Wednesday, 23 March 2016

This is just for you

It’s been more than a year that we are married but somehow i feel things r not working with us now  . I know you will not agree with me, you will cite various examples and give multiple reasons to disagree; but let me state at the very outset, that your definition of a happy married life doesn’t match mine.
You always wanted a ‘wife’ who would respect you no matter for what wrong u do, a ‘wife’ who would carry out her household chores along with her job outside, a ‘wife’ who would cook excellent meals and what not………whereas I only yearned for a friend; a friend who would support me unconditionally and lend me a shoulder to cry on; a friend who would embrace me in spite of my shortcomings and weaknesses; a friend whose one and only priority would be me. I suppose I asked for too much.
I know you disagree. I can very well imagine the frown on your face as you read this post . Let me ask you few questions:
Do you remember the last time when we shared our day with each other?
Do you remember the last time when you sent me a loving text message?
Do you remember the last time when you told “I Love You”?
Do you remember the last time we went for a date?
Do you remember the last time you enquired about my health?
Do you remember the last time you did something to make me happy?
Do you remember the last time you appreciated me?
I presume that now you will agree that our togetherness is at a very bad phase .
I am sorry but now I can no longer be the girl u wanted me to be. I always searched my happiness within you and with you but you never cared; but now i ve learnt to be happy with her own self. I craved for your presence but you never bothered;. You have given me a lot but those weren’t among the things that I desired. I always tried  reminding you, ‘If you love me, give me things which money can’t buy.’

There were days when I cooked your favourite cuisine, what caught your eyes was a small mistake happened by me . Sometimes I dressed up only for you, what caught your eyes was my bulging belly. You always forgot to notice every little detail i did for u . You always complained about me loosing my beauty , but never noticed my tired eyes, tired because they were awake all night feeling awful and thinking about us . Whenever I spoke to you about my problems, you turned a deaf ear. According to you those were only me cribbing to u . What you failed to notice was that I depended on you for a solution; I wanted your empathy.
So my Respectable husband now I ve decided to live without any hope from u . I will still stay in your house maybe becoz of the social obligation  I will no longer crave for your attention, time, love or care.
Let me tell you that if this is what u wanted to make out of me to realise the independent woman in me you have won ur mind to made me recognise the woman  in me  who is strong, independent, lovable, and vivacious hereafter.

Thursday, 10 March 2016

That's why we call you PAPA.

On my father's Birthday.

My father had never hugged me.
He is a typical conservative Indian father who never shows his feelings openly. Even though I tried hugging him, he warded off easily every time. I am now 27 years old settled and happily married . He has never forced me to do anything, he has always let me be myself.
I always wanted to know, what he thought of me; how he felt about me. Does he feels proud discussing about me to his friends. I know that he never wanted to show his innate feelings,but still i wanted to know like every other daughter.
Yes since my childhood he has woke me up by his loving words "Munuaa". He has taken care of my every single need maybe from a pin till an elephant (if i'd have ever demanded for that as well). He has taught me to be reasonable, and lessoned me the realities of life.
Well, I know for sure that I won’t hear an “I love you” from Papa. Similarly I know that I can’t pull off an “I love you” for that matter.
In retrospect I think that was the best that he can show, perhaps that was his way of telling
Though Men are complex, sweet creatures. They are affectionate; their love is intricate. But somehow it feels fake to express your feelings at times. They are feelings after all right? You don’t need a title card to LOVE or to show affection. It is always better when someone shows you that they care, rather than saying that I love you.

Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Bai - Modern Woman's primary need.

Inspired by a real life incidence.

Although ‘The Economic Times’ would like you to believe that the modern India is run by the Big Industries, the FDIs and the Financial markets; any regular home-maker would tell you that the wheels of the Urban India are being turned by the not so friendly neighborhood ‘Bai’. She rules the heart and mind of the Indian urban women. She throws tantrums that would put children to disgrace, would demand praise and attention that would give the mother-in-law tough competition and if a homemaker in any city  is waiting for someone in the evening, its most likely her Bai not her husband. When the Bais leave, which they insensitively do, they give you a litter filled kitchen and a panic attack. And last week I had, what can be best described as The Bai's Drama.  This is what happened.

Few days back , my morning started very much as usual.  After the morning rituals of packing tiffin for my husband to office, I finally sat with a hot cup of tea waiting for that pleasant ring of doorbell. It was time for my Bai to come and wash, clean and scrub the house till it’s shining brightly. So I waited…and waited. And then I waited a little more. But the bell did not ring. I had a storm of panic building inside of me when finally the bell rang and my Bai arrived. She was in a pesky mood.They have a DISTINCT way of letting you know- the utensils in the kitchen make that extra noise, and they have just that little edge in the answers.
I think I am an expert at employing and managing Bais so I picked up the signs immediately and started doing analysis. Is this because of the extra-washing I made her do; is this the beginning of the pitch to raise her wage or are there other deeper darker unknown reasons? I definitely did not want to know. So I decided to treat her to breakfast and tea. That would sublime the mood temporarily only I thought. Soon I got tired and wondered why I should be pampering her without any reason and I stopped. Things then took a turn for the worse and this led to a cold war.  In the next few days, I figured that she had picked up 2 more jobs. Although I was still paying her more than the 2 new jobs combined, she had this ‘ I don’t give a damn’ attitude for my job. Coz, now I liked this woman and did not want to loose her. She, in past, had been loyal, with decent work performance. Any one would tell you that’s rare to come by. So somehow I had to salvage the situation and that required thought and strategy. Well, to be preciseThe management of Bais requires as much strategy and diplomacy as is required to untangle the " JNU" issue these days.

After much a thought, I came up with a two-step strategy. My Step 1 was Power presentation: The next day I sounded off the guards and neighbors that I need a new Bai.  Bais are as well networked as some of us on face book Twitter and whatsapp. They are updated with everything and everyone , so with an assumption that my Bai came to know about my search immediately. 

In a couple of days I got a good contender to replace her. I told her I would like to see her work for a few days. She agreed and next morning there she was- for all to be seen-especially my ‘full of attitude’ Bai. Although I said nothing, I did see a slight sense of insecurity. Just what I wanted! Step Two was of  Diplomacy and Negotiations: Then came the day of  the final talk. So I called my Bai after she finished her work, gave her breakfast and tea and then was about to initiate the conversation, when she said, “ Didi, I left my other jobs. I get very tiered, I would rather just do our work.” I told her I was concerned for her well-being and value her loyalty. And so was thinking of increasing her salary. Thank you didi, aap kitne aachhe ho! Hum apne ghar me hi bass kaam karenge,(referring to my house);And she was back to her zealous self. 

At the end, I did not increase her salary by any amount but with implementation of my two step theory then, I bought peace of mind, loyalty and devotion- most expensive items in today’s world. But above all  I avoided the Bai's Drama for some days atleast.